Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The air was thick with penises
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
