Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
