I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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