No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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