I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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