There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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