I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
