I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
