Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize