I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
