God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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