He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
