i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
