help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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