I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
