I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
