he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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