Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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