Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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