Just fell off a train. Bad.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
