I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
