if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
two words: eviction party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
