My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
