Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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