chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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