When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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