i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
