even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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