if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
