i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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