U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
