So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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