Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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