just come out here and I will go home with you...
wanna go halves on a baby?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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