sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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