fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
