bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
