This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
