The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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