Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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