Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
