The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
