You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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