I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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