I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
