There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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