i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
