2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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