i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
