1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
