Your face is a jimmy john
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
