There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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