we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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