I am spending my child support on dildos
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
