I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
