Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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