Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what day is it and did you see me today?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
