i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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