Sry I called you an 8
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
