I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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