Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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