I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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