Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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