youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
