I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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