I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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