ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
