Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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