6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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