So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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