I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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