Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize