You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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